Happiness is just that simple

Happiness is just that simple

The other day, when I was sharing my happiness of being with my one year old grandson, my friend said, “You have not changed since the college days; you give yourself to others and are too involved in your relationships. Practice detached attachment, with your family members, if you want to be a successful person in life”.

This piece of advice came from a foremost psychologist in the city, whose children gulped each piece of success mantra with great devotion. They hold high positions in the West and seldom get time to say hello to their parents who consider their children are successful. This makes me wonder, what is success? What is detached attachment?

My version of detached attachment is unconditional love and I put it as below.

Detached Attachment is the state of being detached from the loved person in form, in spirit or in emotions, and yet caring, loving, understanding and respecting that selfsame person in the right ways, in the right quantities and at the right times. 

And here is where we can prove that it is not a negative concept. On the contrary, it could very well enrich the relationship as they are very fragile entities. They need constant care and attention. Very rarely is a relationship is equally balanced. At times, one or the other has to compromise, adjust, sustain, revive and replenish it a bit more than the other. That is normal. However, sometimes these very things become quite strenuous. This leads to tensions, undue seriousness and ultimately, slow erosion of the relationship. A relationship where there is happiness and laughter is one that goes a long way. What leads to this erosion?

The most important one is 'expectations'. Quite natural to have expectations in a relationship, granted, but when these expectations start mismatching, that's the beginning of the tempest. Detached Attachment is the ability to accept potential pitfalls, be sensitive to them, accommodate and account for them. Communicate right. Expect nothing more than love.

Immaturity and lack of communication result in ego clashes. These erode humaneness and give way to grudge, jealousy and vengeance. This, I believe, is even more important a reason for the failure of so many wonderful relationships. Couples who can communicate are the ones who can stay together their whole lives.

Now, coming to success; does it mean just achieving your professional goal using certain specified parameters?  I am often amazed at how many people define success as making a lot of money. This is what the success mantras teach you. It is very strange because people who think so are harried and pretty miserable. Money cannot buy all happiness.

Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits. Happiness is the feeling of togetherness; it is a bond of love and mutual concern. Happiness is the contentment of selfless giving and being given.

Well, I am happy, for my loved ones, who in turn want to see me happy; they feel proud of my big and small accomplishments. To me, this is detached attachment. It is this bonding that makes me content to play with my grandson.

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